Commissioner Ruling 005

Posted on March 1, 2011 by

0


Ruling:

If saying you’re a fan of something warrants labeling you a red neck, then whatever you’re a fan of is not a sport.  Thus, Nascar, fishing and hunting are not sports. (Evidence and reasoning below)

Evidence:

The term “sport” is thrown around far too loosely in modern culture.  Sports have come a long way over the course of time and this expansion has inspired people to slap the term onto things like nascar, fishing, and hunting.  These people would have you believe that mainly since there is competition, there is sport.

Reasoning:

This isn't something you see at a sporting event.

Let’s face it, if you like nascar, hunting, or fishing, you probably either reside in the south, aspire to, or beat your children unmercifully.  Nascar is an adaptation of a sport at best and if you were to call it a sport you would have to recognize that the athlete is the automobile and not the driver.  Fishing and hunting are hobbies, and are in no way a sport.  Now before you “Kyle Busch rules and Dale drools” t-shirt wearing Nascar fans start flying off the hammer just hear me out.  You don’t want Nascar, fishing, and hunting to become sports.  If they were truly sports, you would have to allow minorities to play and we all know that equal opportunity is not something the south has been known for championing.  You can tell me all the glory stories of how you nailed a buck square between the eyes while your buddy Skeeter was loading up his front lip with some Coppenhagen chaw, but it’s still not a sport.  Now matter how difficult it was to catch that bass, and believe me I’ve tried it’s a hard skill to master, it will never be more than a hobby.  Sports are a chance the level the playing field, where race is irrelevant and purely talent matters.  As history as told us, the south just is not about equality, so believe me southerners you don’t want sports down there it will change you into a more diverse and tolerable place to live.  Just keep calling the American Civil War “The War of Northern Aggression,” and keep up the massive consumption of alcohol while watching machines make multiple left turns on a massive oval.

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